A Bright Light

This trip has been a bit of an emotional roller-coaster for me so far for many reasons that I'll return to, but first I want to talk about Napier. I spent today walking all around the city of Napier. When I got here I couldn't stop smiling. Napier is called the Art Deco capital. It's an entire city almost entirely built in the art deco style. Honestly, I couldn't love it more. I was ecstatic. But as I walked around the city I noticed that it appears to be dying.

It's a beach town so maybe it's only dead for the winter. A number of businesses did have signs up saying that they were closed for the winter, but far more of them were just empty.  Every block has a minimum of two (and some up to five) empty store fronts, for sale or for lease. Many of them are mortgagee sales which I assume is like foreclosure. I'd like to think that come summertime all of those beautiful, art deco, empty buildings will have found new tenants and the town will be bustling and lively, but right now it makes me kind of sad.

Like I said, this trip has been kind of an emotional roller-coaster.

I spent my first day in Auckland mostly shopping and shopping on holiday is always bittersweet for me. One of my favorite things in life is buying gifts for people that I know they will love and then think of me with love every time they use/look at it. I had a good friend, one of my best friends, who had a huge collection of souvenir shot glasses. Every time I would travel I would buy her a shot glass and she would buy one for me every time she traveled (although I do not have a collection but for the ones she bought me). She died four years ago and now, every time I'm on holiday, every time I go into a souvenir shop I see the shot glasses and it makes me sad.

Anna was an amazing person and when she died it was truly like a light went out in my life. Not THE light because I am and always will be a generally happy and positive person, but a light went out. Anna suffered from severe anxiety and depression but despite that I think being generally happy and positive was a trait that we shared. She would have anxiety attacks, or go through bouts of depression, but at her core I think she was a happy and positive person. The things that could have killed her only made her stronger and the thing that did kill her turned out to be a river rafting accident. Of course, falling out of a boat on a river is most often not deadly but combined with abnormally warm winter weather, and abnormally wet and windy spring weather there were a lot of snags fairly close under the surface to get a foot caught on.

In truth there's really not a day that goes by still that I don't think of Anna and wonder what she'd be doing now if she had lived. Traveling just increases those thoughts. Another thing that increased them on this trip was the emotional Trjoan horse of a performance that Emmett Skilton gave the other night in Between Two Waves. Unlike the atom bombs of emotion he often dropped on The Almighty Johnsons that simply made me weep uncontrollably, this performance got in my head and continued to unleash the emotions days later.

The play had currents of anxiety and depression running through it. I mean, obviously there was also the climate change and flooding to bring back memories, but it's the anxiety and depression that I keep coming back to. The character of Daniel was a pessimist struggling with how to look forward to something. That seems natural for someone who's suffering from anxiety and depression. Ever since seeing the play I keep coming back to that and wondering how on earth my friend, who I know suffered with anxiety and depression as well, managed to be such a bright light. On top of anxiety and depression, Anna had been diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis about a year or so before she died so she was in pretty constant physical pain as well. How did she remain so positive and happy? It's easy for me, I have never had an anxiety attack, I've been sad but I've never been depressed. It can't have been easy for her.

For the most part this trip has been filled with pure happiness, and joy, and peace. I saw this amazing play that I've been looking forward to for months and it was even better than I'd imagined. I met Emmett Skilton who's talent is only eclipsed by what a kind, and funny, and truly stellar human being he is. I did the zorb which brought me peace and joy I can't even begin to describe. I visited the Shire.  I spent an entire day wandering aimlessly around a whole city of art deco. Oh, and it's lambing season which makes large swaths of this country extra adorable. I have nothing but love for all of the things I've experienced here. Yet occasionally I find myself crying as I drive through the endless pine forests and sheep pastures thinking of Anna, missing her light, wondering how she managed to keep it so bright, wishing she was here to share all of this with.

Everything's Better

I have a saying, "Everything's better in Canada", but New Zealand is really giving Canada a run for its money.  I may return having revised my saying to, "Everything's better in New Zealand", or I may not return at all. Okay, I know, I have to return, but it's nice to think I could stay.  In an alternate universe there is a version of me that stays.

What makes New Zealand better? Well, there's the dairy products as previously mentioned, then there's the fact that apparently you can't walk ten meters without running into one of the locations from the Lord of the Rings and Hobbit trilogies. I visited Hobbiton today, which is the set of the Shire. Hobbiton is the only location to still have sets from the film built on it, but according to the Hobbiton bus driver both the North and South islands are littered with locations. Not surprising I suppose since all six of those films were at least 80% set outdoors. Hobbiton, by the way, was beautiful.

Everything in New Zealand is beautiful, or the small portion of it that I've seen so far anyway and I've stayed on the North island. I'm staying on the North island for my entire trip actually. On my second to last night in Auckland it was suggested to me (by an amazing photographer who has an excellent visual sensibility) that I should cancel my planned itinerary and go to the South island instead if natural beauty is what I am looking for. If that is true, and I've got no reason to doubt him (as I said he's a photographer who knows a thing or two about beautiful things), but if it is true I can only say New Zealand is likely the most beautiful country in the world.

I was tempted to take the advise, to cancel my itinerary and head for the South island instead, but as natural beauty was not my sole purpose this trip I decided to stick with my plan. I'll just have to come back soon and do the South island next time.

One of the main reasons I decided to stick to my plan was the Zorb.  Zorbing, for those unfamiliar, is an activity (some might call it extreme) wherein you get inside a giant plastic ball and roll down a hill.  It's more like a ball within a ball actually.  You can do it dry or wet the difference being either they put water inside with you or they don't. The dry track was down for maintenance when I went.  I sort of feel like the dry version would be kind of a waste anyway, but that's just me. In addition to the dry versus wet choice you can also chose a straight track or a twisted track, I chose the twisted one.

The thing about the Zorb is that it's incredibly freeing. You have to completely give up control. I mean, it's on a "track" so there is a level of control, but that control is certainly not yours if you are inside the Zorb. For a minute, or however long it takes it to get to the bottom, you are completely without control and you know it when you are about to get in so you have to consciously chose to give yourself up to it.  Then for that minute, not only do you have no control, but it's almost as though you have no thoughts. It's kind of the ultimate in meditation. You are completely in that moment while it's happening, you can't help it. I'm trying, but I really can't describe it. All I can really say is that I am not the same person I was before I got in the Zorb and doing it was perhaps the best decision I have ever made. So, when I say that everything is better in New Zealand, "everything" includes me.