Last Day

I walked around the sky tower for over an hour and took a picture from every window. I was trying to get to the point where I could think about my impending departure without tears, but I never quite got there.

Tears are not really my thing. That's not entirely accurate. Tears happen as often to me as the next person, but I don't like for people to see me cry. Tears in public are not my thing. My ex used to affectionately call me crybaby because he was one of very few people I would allow to see me cry and I'd told him when we met that I don't cry. So, to be clear, I do cry just usually not in front of people. The occasional exception is usually at movies, in the dark where no one can really see me anyway at least that's what I tell myself [ Note: here is a complete list of movies that made me full on weep in theaters full of people - My Girl, With Honors, A League of Their Own, Armageddon, Lord of the Rings - Fellowship of the Ring).

But I am not the same person I was when I arrived in this country. Which is one of the reasons that leaving it is so difficult, way more difficult than I was expecting. What's worse, I can't even put my finger on what it is I will miss aside from maybe myself.

I mean, the country is beautiful, but so are a lot of places (many of them in my own backyard), and the people are super nice but truthfully (introvert that I am) I didn't actually talk to that many of them, and the cities...

Wellington was wonderful. I went to every possible market (the famous night market, the arts and crafts market down on the waterfront, and the Sunday farmers market), and I looked for penguins (but didn't find any), and of course went to Weta Workshop and took the tour (which had a cute tour guide whom I might have attempted to chat up if I weren't such an introvert). Napier was beautiful, but sad (maybe because it is winter, I don't know). Rotorua and Taupo both had a similar summer town in winter vibe to Napier.

Auckland was my favorite probably because it feels so much like home.  Of course everywhere you look you see mountains and water just like at home (but that's true of pretty much the whole country). I mistakenly believed Auckland to be a smaller city than Wellington when apparently it has a much larger population. Auckland seems less urban though and more laid back. The streets are wider and the pace seems slower. I love it here, in Auckland, but I love a lot of places that I never she'd tears about leaving.

My happy place is Granada, Spain. I almost dropped down and kissed the ground when I got of the plane in Granada because I could already feel how much I was going to love it there. London is another place I love. It's the only city outside of North America that I've visited more than once. Obviously I also love Austin, Texas. I mean that's a city I can't stop visiting. If I have any excuse to visit Austin I can't get on a plane fast enough. Let's not forget Canada. Everything's better in Canada, and my dream is to retire to a lake front apple orchard in Kelowna, BC, make cider, and swim naked in lake Okanagan every day.

I love all of those places but I never shed tears over leaving any of them. I don't know what it is about Auckland, but I'm having a real hard time letting it go.

The Human Condition

Don't stop me if you've heard this before. I know I've said it before, but it bears repeating and it relates to my trip.

The human condition has at its core a terrible contradiction. We are constantly trying to distinguish ourselves from one another whilst also constantly trying to connect with each other. We are all the same and at the same time none of us are the same. One of the reasons that I love stories in any medium (books, movies, television, theater, music, etc.) so much is that they are at once unique little snowflakes and at the same time they are all the same.

When a story is told well it can make you feel connected to the entirety of the human experience by showing you a single moment of that terrible contradiction that is inherent in humanity. It takes a good writer to start with, regardless of the medium. If the medium is dramatic (film, TV, or theater) it also takes a great actor; someone who can bring to life that contradiction.

The reason I came here, to New Zealand, was to see a play. I know there are those of you who think I'm crazy. People look at me with some combination of confusion, awe, and fear when I tell them I flew halfway around the world to see a show. They gave me the same look when I flew to Boston for a weekend to see The Glass Menagerie (and that was only a 5 hour flight). I get it, I do, it's a long way to travel for one night of entertainment, and obviously I'm doing more than just seeing the show here in New Zealand (and did more in Boston as well), but I don't think there's any distance too far to travel to experience a moment of true connection to the human experience and I knew (from seeing him in The Almighty Johnsons) that Emmett Skilton has the talent to bring a moment like that to life. And I could guess, from reading the description of the play and the story of how it came to Auckland, that Between Two Waves likely contained a few of those moments.

Between Two Waves is amazing. It's a story that needs to be told as much as possible in as many venues as possible. It speaks eloquently and subtly about anxiety and depression, and less subtly about climate change and relationships. It speaks about the sometimes extremely complicated and sometimes very simple chain of causes and effects. It speculates about cures, about what can be cured and what cannot. It's a wonderful, beautifully written story (by Ian Meadows).

Both the producer (Leanne Frisbie) and director (Peter Feeney) took to the stage and played parts. They, and the leading lady Shara Connolly, were phenomenal. They are all obviously talented actors but I think a deeper connection to the story is also evident in their performances.

It was Emmett Skilton though who brought to life the terrible contradiction of the human condition. He was the one who showed that we're all in this together yet also completely alone.

Normally, those moments in great stories, the moments that make you feel connected to the entirety of the human experience, are fleeting, just a few seconds, but today, 18 hours after seeing Between Two Waves, as I sat on the beach, the feeling was still with me. That was the power of Emmett Skilton's performance. That is what a great actor can do. 

Home Away

Auckland is a lot like home (Seattle). In fact even the weather has been very reminiscent of the Pacific Northwest. Day one of my trip was sunny and with the palm trees all around it had me thinking of LA, but everyday since has been wet and overcast and has me thinking of home.

There are other similarities too. Auckland is a port city and an economic hub which means lots of tech and fish from what I can tell (just like home). It's also very hilly and there is coffee everywhere you turn. Also, the Pacific rim nations are all well represented in terms of food options. In short I feel like I never left home at all.

One of the problems with all these reminders of home is that I am suddenly struck by the strong urge to do nothing at all. Yesterday I spent mostly reading which is all well and good, it's my vacation and I'll spend it how I like, but I only have a short time here. It's not like it's the first time I've been vacation in a beautiful foreign city and spent most of a day reading, but at least when I spent most of a day reading in Granada I did in the gardens at the Alhambra, and in London at Trafalgar square. I can't let a little (or a lot of) rain stop me. So today is get in the car and drive day and see where it takes me.